The last three weeks of 2011 was filled with grief and sorrow for my family.
I lost my Great Grandmother, an amazing woman that I thought I would never be able to meet in my life, thanks to my step mom, Cheri.
I lost my only blood related grandmother that I ever had the chance to meet. She wasn't able to run around with me, take me shopping, come to my concerts, or anything that you see physically active grandparents do with their grandchildren. Even though she wasn't able to do such things with me, the greatest opportunities that was given to me and her, was just sitting in the kitchen at the table, and having a heart-to-heart conversation, with long conversations on the phone.
I also lost my brother-in-laws grandfather. This man had no family relation to me what-so-ever, but that doesn't mean that I never consider him as part of my family. He could make anybody lough, and make them feel confidence in their selves, when they didn't want to.

With all the heart aches from last year, I feel almost as if I'm stuck in a rut. The memories repeat in my head;
helping my great grandmother to the passenger seat after eating out. Sitting in the kitchen with my Nana and holding her hand, and feeling the roughness of her skin and hearing, "I love you baby." Walking into my brother-in-law grandparents house, and being attacked with a bear hug from his poppa, and hearing how pretty I've gotten sense the last time I saw him.

Losing these three people in my life has left a big hole in my heart, one that not too many people can ever be able to fill completely, but it may get smaller over the years. It's not easy, trying to keep everything together when you only want to fall apart, even when the only thing you know how to do, is to be strong.
GOD gave me these amazing people in life for a reason. Even though they are gone, I know now that I need to live for them, and to achieve more than what I have been receiving in the past years. With my heart aches, I will strive to do better in school, to be an outstanding student, to be a better musician, and to be a more faithful christian, and allow GOD to control my life.